How to leave someone you love: 5 ways to leave a toxic relationship
You’ve been contemplating about leaving someone you love but you just can’t seem to pull the trigger. Leaving a toxic relationship is by no means easy. Here are 5 ways to leave a toxic relationship and find more peace inside yourself.
1. Identify what’s keeping you in the relationship
We often feel really conflicted when it comes to relationships. A part of us wants to stay in the relationship. A part of us wants to leave the relationship. I take the approach that all of us have different aspects of our personality, what I call “parts” that influence our behavior. You can find more about my therapeutic approach Internal Family Systems here. I’ve found it really helpful to hear from the parts of you that want to stay in the relationship. Examples of this could be “I’m afraid of to leave.” or “He’s such a good person though.” These parts of you are often very well intentioned in being concerned about your well being if you were to leave a toxic relationship.
2. Identify what’s making you want to leave
Just as we listened to the parts of you that want to stay in the relationship, you also may have parts wanting you to leave the relationship. I assume you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article! Our partner often triggers our wounding to the point where we don’t know what to do with it except leave. This makes complete sense as well…if parts of you believe things won’t get better then of course leaving is an option to them.
3. Explore your fears
When we hear from both parts of you they will often talk about fears. “I’m afraid I won’t find anyone else.”, “I’m afraid what other people will think.” are some examples. It’s really important that we address these fears because they often influence our decision. You can journal out what your fears are to get a better understanding of concerns. Once parts of you really feel validated and that their fears are going to be addressed it becomes easier to make a decision.
4. What’s the story behind leaving?
As a therapist in Orlando FL, I help clients explore the parts of them who can’t stand their partner. Most of the time this part of your personality has felt this way in the past. There is an origin story to most people’s pain. We use the metaphor of a trailhead in Internal Family Systems to track how leaving a toxic relationship could have something to do with what you’re feeling internally. Just like a trailhead, the confusion of whether you stay or leave your partner is the beginning of a trail for you. Most of the time we are so focused externally (on our partner) but really it’s what we feel internally that needs addressing.
5. Seek support
You may come to a decision about your relationship and feel like its going to be excruciatingly painful to leave which may be the case. Support is needed to help you get through the decision making process and afterwards as well. Lean on close friends who can help you after you leave a toxic relationship. I also recommend going to therapy so that you can feel supported in whatever decision you make from a neutral professional. You deserve love that works for you.
Need help with leaving someone you love?
I help clients through navigating their feelings about their relationship. Sometimes this leads to a breakup, other times it leads to a change in the relationship. As a therapist in Orlando, FL I can support you as you go through this process.